wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize