Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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