maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Boobs are out for the taking
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
