I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
