you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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