I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
