yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
