Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
im six kinds of drunk right now
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
