help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
