Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
