Small penises have feelings too.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
