I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
