remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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