I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
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And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
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You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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