the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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