I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
