I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
