im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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