tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
