my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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