Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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