Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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