I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
