I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
