It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
