So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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