Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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