im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
