just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
