As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN