honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
oh yeah. preciate
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.