apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
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Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Did I show you my penis last night?
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everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect