i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.