i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot