I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.