Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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