Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you would pick up someone in the library
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
