I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
