She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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