come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
