so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
