He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
