Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Randomize