Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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