Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
