i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
