I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He did a backflip because drugs
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize