I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
