I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
