my phone needs a breathalizer
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My vagina is officially offended.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
