Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
