If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
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They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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