god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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