Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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