just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
