i barfeds in our rink
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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