erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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