Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
