i think my tv is drunk
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
