she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
