If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
