We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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