how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
