i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
we're making bets on your personal life
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
