Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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