Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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