You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
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The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
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HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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